I said I understood Zooey Deschanel’s character “Summer”
And that I was finally in peace with it.
Well I’m NOT ANYMORE!
You see that one who was “X-MAS” for me is my new “Summer”
I’m sorry but I’m not sorry, I really think I need to meet "Autumn"
I know I am like a guy to others, but I don’t want to be treated like one of them.. Not anymore.
For the first time:
I want to be treated like a lady for christ sake!!
When you think of death is when you see it from another perspective, you notice that a lot of stories with happy endings involve death.
Like Peter Pan for example. They didn’t grew up in Neverland because they we’re lost kids souls, or at least that’s what I believe.
I wonder how it would be if I lived in Neverland, would I be as mean as Captain Hook? Since my soul is not pure as a child’s one?
Fascinating thing death is, I am so curious about it. And it has captivated me, more than the desire of love. More than shallow things like fame and fortune, and even more than beauty, than life itself.
I heard that to cross over to that state of life or better said the unliving thing you have to go through pain. Some experience physical pain, others (in my case) experience the heart involved, the tired mind, the madness.. That’s the worst of pains because it lingers, it’s not like a shot in the head that finishes your life cause it’s the brain your killing and without brain the body doesn’t work, not even the mind and without mind there’s no sense of feelings..
We the humans have the capability of survival. But no one taught us how to love or to unlove instead they taught us to hate to resent to be selfish and all those bad things that in the end make us hurt other humans but in the end make us human, we are a race full of flaws, because one day death will knock our doors..
Love is when you use your hands to make a shade for the other so the sunlight won’t hurt their eyes or burn their skin, love is accepting the other half’s flaws, love is laughing all day out of nowhere, making stories and acting them up in the most funniest way. Love is tripping.
But what could lead to deception?
What was wrong? Was I wrong? Was it you all the time? Who’s the one to blame?
Unfortunately we waste so much time blaming people than fixing the real problem.
You can say the reason was a facebook post but the real reason it was that you were scared to bare it all
Or that time when I drunk texted you and ended up being mad at you,
because I was so afraid to loose you.
I don’t know what it was. I really wish I knew..
And so here I am. Trying to save time in everybody’s life. Yes you:
I’m putting the blame in me.
I blame myself for being too intense, for loving you, for showing you that I care too much, for letting go, for chasing you like I haved never chased someone, for being there, for trying, for asking, for begging, for crying out loud, for wanting to die if you’re not beside me, in fact I blame myself for being me because being myself it means making mistakes, it means drama, it means everything but it also means nothing..
I did a shade with my hands for your eyes and your face so the sun wouldn’t bother you while you we’re sleeping, cause you looked so peaceful and I enjoyed the sight of it I wanted to be that calm but I realized that I can’t make this shade forever, that sooner or later I was going to get tired of holding my hands in that position, or who knows maybe a better shade will show up? Or maybe you would wake up and leave..
Just like you did, just like they did, just like they will..
I take all the blame so maybe that way I’ll learn, and if I don’t learn at least it would end up destroying what’s left of me.